Coming to Terms with Unexpected Death
Coming to Terms with an Unexpected Death
Death is never an easy situation, however, for the people affected by a sudden death of a loved one, grief is especially traumatic.
Obsessive thoughts are not uncommon after losing a loved one unexpectedly. Thinking about what the death must have been like for the person that died and what could have been done to prevent it, are very common thoughts to have after losing a loved one.
Strong feelings of anger and regret are also very common. Understanding and expressing these feelings helps survivors, over time and with the support of others, come to reconcile their loss.
What is Sudden Death?
Sudden deaths happen when the person is not expected to die in a certain way or place. He or she may not even be expected to die at all.
Some people, that weren't aware that the person was ill, may think of their death as sudden. A person who was expected to take many months to die may also die a death that is seen as sudden. They may be expected to get worse slowly but then die in a short period of time. Death may also seem sudden when people are expecting a different outcome. The person may die in a few weeks when they were expected to live for months or even years.
What Thoughts Arise in Those Left Behind?
The unexpected loss of a loved one may cause shock and confusion in the beginning. They may have more need to go over and over the events around the death. They may think that mistakes were made, and feel guilty or angry. The police, courts, and insurance companies may get involved with the death. People may feel they need to help resolve the practical issues involved in the situation, instead of facing their grief, and moving through it. The following are some common thoughts or actions of the survivor, after the sudden death of a loved one:
- They may tire easily and be physically inactive
- They may instead become manic and way-too-busy
- They may tenaciously hang on to clothing or other belongings.
- They may have really poor concentration, not able to think clearly, or have trouble making decisions.
- They may have no appetite at all, or eat too much…or any combination of the two.
- They may sleep too much or not get enough sleep.
Grief is a cycling process, and all of these symptoms may come and go with the “seasons” of grieving.
If You Have Lost Someone You Love Suddenly
Although dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one is ver easy, we hope the following suggestions can help you cope:
- Rest is important. Do not try to do everything all at the same time. Do only what is needed and let other things wait until later. Ask your family, friends, or caregivers for help when needed.
- Share your feelings. Try saying what you really feel or share stories of the one who just passed away. Often just talking things out with someone you trust is a big help.
- Take good care of yourself. Do not forget to look after yourself. You should eat healthy food and keep yourself healthy.
- When the time is right, try to get out of the house a little each day. Go for a walk or meet with a friend. Be sure to spend time with your family or friends. But, it is also important to remember that you have time to yourself each day.
The Essential Lesson Within
If your loved one passed away from a sudden death, you have been brought face-to-face with the realization that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. This awareness can help you remember what is important in life, so you don’t get lost in trivial matters and lose sight of those things that are most important to you.
One result of sudden death is that it can make you appreciate life more than you ever would have if you had not undergone such a traumatic experience. Now we know that no one in their right mind would seek out such a loss in order to teach themselves a lasting life lesson, but it does let you pull something meaningful out of such a tragedy. It can be helpful to look on the positive side and attempt to see the lesson out of the situation.